Article by Giorgia Andrea Bergamasco

Translation by Vittorio Cavalli

I’m Not Everything I Want to Be is a biographical documentary in the second level: through the overlap of an extensive photographic archive and meticulously written personal diaries, the film retraces, step by step, from 1986 to the present day, the unceasing search for identity by Czech photographer Libuše Jarcovjáková.

The work plays on multiple levels of realism, which, when layered together, help to create a rich and complete picture. The synergy between the direction of Klára Tasovská and the editing of Alexander Kashcheev (editor of the Oscar-nominated animated short Daughter, 2019) has created a storytelling mode that nearly fully integrates the documentary with Jarcovjáková’s life. Thousands of photographs pass before the viewer’s eyes, creating the illusion of movement, just like it was during pre-cinema experiments. The concept of stillness seems to vanish, shaping to an analog-dynamic continuum in which static and silent places and subjects come to life.
The layered complexity of the sound design contributes to the sense of reality, making extensive use of extra-diegetic sounds that animate the photographs and immerse the viewer in the narrative. Some sequences are accompanied by contemporary music, offering a striking contrast with the black-and-white of many archival photos.

The cities of Prague, Berlin, and Tokyo form the triangle in which Jarcovjáková’s obsessive search for a sense of belonging and individuality unfolds through the camera. Tasovská brilliantly captures the frantic, and at times desperate, pursuit of that much-desired balance and fulfillment that has always eluded Jarcovjáková. Between Prague, subdued by the relentless and impetuous wave of Soviet normalization, and Tokyo, rich with stimulation but never truly satisfying, the photographer finds, perhaps, what she was looking for in a Berlin divided by the Wall, but not for long. The travels and cities follow one another, repeating through the thousands of photographs that, densely packed, weave the fabric of the photographer’s life, in an incessant pilgrimage.

By imprinting sensations and emotions on film through an unorthodox visual style, Libuše Jarcovjáková tries to satisfy her hunger to “capture” the world that drives her to document almost everything happening around and inside her. Between self-portraits and snapshots, images of her night shifts at the printing press, euphoric and dusty pubs, the hospital where she had an abortion, and the bed of the woman with whom she had her first sexual experience, unfold on screen.

A visual diary that captures the transformation of the photographer’s body and soul over the decades, offering the viewer the rare and unique opportunity to see the world through her eyes, or rather, through the lens of her camera.